How do you say "Goodbye?"

The end of life is a very spiritual, powerful time that most people are terrified of. It's not a comfortable subject, rather an inevitable one. This past Saturday, the only Grandfather I ever knew, suffered from a massive stroke. It was one that would quickly claim his life. I got to the hospital right after he arrived via ambulance, and I knew the prognosis was poor. Without going into graphic detail, I knew he didn't have long. Treatment was not an option, the damage to his brain was extensive. 

The Neurologist broke the news to us that afternoon, with the most sympathetic, understanding tone, but it was still so surreal. He has been fighting for years. He suffered from numerous medical conditions, we couldn't believe he'd made it this far. After gathering our composure, we began to accept we would soon face saying "goodbye." I watched him fight with all he haD that weekend, and it absolutely broke my heart. We had made arrangements for him to be trasnferred to a Hospice house Monday morning. It was amazing to us, that he held on until he had seen almost every family member, even my Aunt and Uncle flying in from Tenessee, and until had talked to his elderly brother on the phone. Shortly after that conversation, and the Hospice nurse had left the hospital room, while holding my Uncle Tim's hand, he let go. He let the Lord rest him forever. No more fight. My Nana, who was bedisde, said it was so peaceful and powerful and she was so thankful for that. We joke now that he was telling us, "No way I'm going to Hospice." :)

How do you say goodbye? How do you let go? There was so much I wanted to say to him. He was an amazing man, who was always a consistent father figure in my life. I loved him dearly, and he will be very missed. I know he knows how I feel about him and I know he will be watching over me from this day forward.

The service for him is next Tuesday, when I'm sure so many more tears will be shed as we grieve together.  Long live his spirit in our hearts. Love you Puppa Jack, RIP. <3  

Natural Therapy

Today, it is unseasonably crisp and cool out, a mere 70 degrees at 11:30am... I'll take it! I can't resist being outdoors. The birds are a chirping symphony and it is so soothing. I can get lost in my surroundings. We planted many new plants last weekend and watering them is like therapy for me. There's just something about nurturing them and watching them mature. I do a lot of thinking while I water and garden; sometimes, silence is of greater value to me than trying to explain my feelings to someone. I am so excited for the next planting project. We are truly transforming our lawn, front to back! It's going to take a lot of time, and tons of money, but will be well worth it when I can cut Caroline loose to run freely! C and I spend 99% of our time at home, not by choice, but that's how it is, so I want to LOVE my home. The changes to the interior of our house are vast, and our focus has currently shifted outside, it is "grow time." I love decorating and making a house a home. I have a vision in my head and am slowly seeing it become reality. I am so thankful Jacob is handy...he can do anything! I can explain something to him, show him a picture or draw it myself, and he makes it happen! Decorating is also therapy for me. I love anything that gives me instant gratification, (I'm not a patient person!) and being able to express myself through my home. I know that in a year or two, this place will be stunning! I love therapy!!! ;)

Coming back to life!

Good morning! It is one of those beautiful, crisp spring mornings you can't help but to be in good spirits. About a week ago we began bringing our back patio and yard to life again. It's unfortunate that the previous owners of our home neglected the property, and now we are left cleaning up the mess! It's discouraging at times to spend your entire weekend raking leaves and trimming hedges. I love to work in the yard, but not that kind of work! We have an amazing back patio that I fell in love with when we were touring the house. I envisioned BBQ's and game day parties, sunny days and quiet evenings sitting out there. It won me over. But, now that we are knee deep in the "clean up" efforts, it's exhausting! It was nothing more than an eye sore; planters filled with years of decomposing leaves and mulch. Nasty. There was very little life except for a small group of Amaryllis which are now blooming. I intend to dig them up once they've finished blooming and storing the bulbs in a pail until I can decide on a good place to transplant them. We have since dug up all the leaves and mulch and will plant Liriope Muscari (Evergreen Giant) throughout the beds. I did some gardening research and found this classic plant that is little to no maintenence. That is very important when your time is consumed with a 13 month old!!! So next week, we will be getting about 50 to fill the beds. I am excited to be surrounded with green life again. Jacob has been pressure washing the pavers and planter stones all weekend, and digging up any of the old shrubbery around the perimiter. We're looking for a bit of a clean slate. I can't wait to see the finished product. :)

Giving this a try

Well, I've decided to give this blogging thing a try! I thought maybe it would be a good outlet for me. :)

Caroline is napping at the moment, and I should be finishing up laundry, or digging through my closet to find something to wear to my niece's opening performance of Swan Lake this evening, but this is more fun! I am excited to see the show tonight. Emilee has worked so hard and I am so proud of her. I am preparing myself for slight disappointment however, with the unusual choreography of Nicole Benson. I performed in this show many years ago, it is by far my favorite ballet. Em is actually one of the 4 petite swans that I was. Pretty amazing to see her following in my footsteps. I'm sure it will bring back so many memories of my years on that stage.